Get in line

Since you’ve made it clear that your mind is made up about staying in your marriage, yet you want to continue to see me, it’s time that I stop favoring you.  I’ve joked that you are “grandfathered in,” since I refuse to date married guys.

Henceforth, let it be known that you will be subjected to the same rules and criteria as any other guy trying to get in my pants.  Here they are:

1.  Texts that don’t contain a question will not be answered.  And the question must be about my general well-being or something else, not “Are you horny?”

2. No last-minute hookups.  If I’m not important enough to plan ahead for, you’re not important enough.

3.  No 2-hour meetings.  I know a whole night isn’t generally possible, but no brief booty calls.

4.  If we’re going to be Friends With Benefits, we have to be friends.  That means conversations about life, family, friends, activities.  On the phone.

5.  If I only hear from you when you want to get laid, you’re not going to get laid (by me, anyway).

6.  You have to call me if you want to see me.  None of this texting stuff without talking.

7.  There will be a delay between the time I hear from you and the time I respond.

I’m prepared to not answer your text or phone call if they don’t meet my criteria.  Eventually I will answer because I think it’s rude not to respond.  But I will tell you why I didn’t.

I remember you telling me about a woman you dated between marriages who stopped answering your calls or texts.  You drove to her house — over an hour away — to see what was wrong.  She dumped you.

That could happen again.

My heart is with you.  Always.

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7 thoughts on “Get in line

  1. Will you be letting him know about these new rules or just putting them into place? Out of curiosity, at what point would those rules no longer apply? When you are exclusive with someone? Living together? I ask especially about #1 because not all conversation type texts will have a question. Also, how much of a delay with #7? Is it arbitrary and just designed to be a game?

    • I’ve told him at other times I wouldn’t put up with some of his crap from other people. They wouldn’t apply when I’m exclusive with someone. Although the relationship experts say women shouldn’t be exclusive with a man until “the ring is on your finger.” Since I don’t really want that, I don’t think I would adhere to that. My friends who read all the relationship stuff say you’re supposed to wait 2 hours to respond. But I’ve broken the damn rules already.

      • I agree that some of those rules are absolutely necessary. You want to keep your self-respect. Absolutely no dropping things for someone who can’t bother to plan in advance or running out for a booty call. Not only does it make you look desperate, but I’m sure it doesn’t feel good at all.

        The other stuff seems rather arbitrary and like a good way for a man to think you’re all about games. To not be exclusive until marriage? Yeah, if a guy tried that we’d all call him a player and a cheater and band together to vilify him, but if a woman uses that tactic as blackmail to get a ring it’s suddenly okay? No.

        Same thing with waiting some set amount of time to respond. If I’m busy, then I’m busy, and I won’t drop everything to get back to a guy. But if I have the time, to just sit and wait to prove some point seems incredibly passive aggressive and manipulative. A guy also knows when he isn’t a priority, and he will likely move on to someone who doesn’t play games and who will make time for him. Showing someone that you care and appreciate them starts with simple things.

      • I’m kind of the same way and keep being told I’m doing it wrong. Take it up with Rori Raye and the other other “experts.” You’re too young to remember the book “The Rules” back in the 1990s. Same stuff. Also, how do you know if a relationship is marriage-worthy if you aren’t exclusive until you get engaged? It’s called “circular dating.” It’s not about sleeping with a bunch of people, but continuing to entertain invitations from other men and date until you have a relationship leading to marriage.

      • I have heard of that book, although I wasn’t dating yet in 1990. And I’m familiar with Rori Raye. I even got her emails for a while. They’re mostly a lot of hogwash. The one thing she consistently gets right is that men are attracted to confidence and a woman who knows who she is. Then she promptly tells you to change. Hilarious.

        As a man, I would never commit to marry a woman who was still dating other people. I wouldn’t do that as a woman, either. And we wouldn’t be expected to by society. The double standard is ridiculous. We dislike it when men play games, but encourage women to do that. We lament about men hiding their feelings, then pull ours back when they show us any and hold out for more.

        On the other hand, I do know that there is a value is letting the man take the lead and be the driving force. As someone who is very type-A, I’ve had to learn to be soft. To be vulnerable. To wait and let him come to me. Last night I did something kinda silly, but it worked. When Tony came to bed instead of snuggling right up to him, I stayed where I was. I wanted to at least reach my foot over and touch him, but instead I started counting in my head. I was going to let it go at least 30 seconds – I know that’s not very long, but it was still an effort.

        At 15 seconds, he reached out with his foot and started stroking my leg. Before I got to 30 he had pulled me into his arms to snuggle. We were having sex session #3 for the day shortly thereafter. Would it have happened if I’d reached out first? Yeah, probably, but it was nicer to have him do the initiating. It feels good to be pursued and cared for. There’s something about love that you don’t ask for that’s that much sweeter. I imagine that men feel the same way, though, so there are times when I make my desire for him very clear.

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