You called. I answered. Twenty-three minutes.
In just 23 minutes, you wove a tale so mind-boggling and unbelievable I almost believed it. Perhaps I believed some of it. Perhaps some of it is even true. Interestingly enough, even though I didn’t believe half of what you had to say, hearing your voice and talking to you made me feel better. Damn you!
The conversation wrapped up because she came home. You whispered you love me as you hung up to greet her. I’m seriously doubting your sanity.
I listened. I talked. It was a surprisingly normal conversation despite what has gone down between us. You explained — a monstrous tale I can’t begin to repeat right now — and apologized. You never meant to hurt me.
You explained the nasty text you sent me. You had panicked. You thought The Wife and I were in cahoots and plotting against you. You had to make it look like you were breaking it off with me and taking up for her.
At this point, the truth regarding the drama is a bit beside the point. Irrelevant in the grand scheme.
This is what I know. When the going got tough, when you were confronted with evidence of your cheating ways, your first instinct was to protect your OWN ass. Not mine. Not even hers — although at least when I thought you were taking up for her I thought you were being honorable. I thought you really loved her. Do you even realized you just admitted to being a complete and utter dog?
Or maybe you’re just telling me you said that. Maybe at the time you were taking up for her. But to woo me back you have to tell me you said it for her benefit, in case she saw the text. So that she would know you were ditching me for her.
You were, dumbass. And I’m going to make sure you live with that decision.
After the Christmas Day text there were others. You miss me. Love me. Want me back. Mine said I wanted us to sit down and end this relationship face-to-face, like grownups, instead of by text like we’re in high school. You said, “Sounds good.” You were to get back to me on the day and time.
I didn’t hear from you for two days. Ironically, right after I returned from an impromptu “girl trip” because I was so depressed over the Christmas Day Debacle (I had a meltdown in the middle of my Christmas party because you texted me. Yeah, that was a good time).
It seriously makes me wonder if you have my house bugged. I even asked you. You didn’t answer.
But the text when I returned from my trip was a continuation of the “let’s break up like grownups” conversation. It said:
“By the way, I am not breaking anything off. We just need to talk about where we are and what you want and what is best for both of us. I love you and care about you very much. Always have, always will. I miss you…more than you know.”
Not fair, sir. Not fair at all.
We are going to talk in person this week. I have a lot to say, and you’re going to listen. Here is a preview:
Why would you want to continue this affair? She is obviously closing in more than ever. Do you want to get caught?
Even more importantly, why would I want to continue? What do you have to offer me? A legitimate relationship? A commitment? I don’t think so. We can’t even have a “normal” affair because you don’t have enough time to spare. I can find someone to screw me a couple of hours a week. I don’t need it to be someone who is ripping my heart out.
You’ve chosen to stay with her. Go love her. Love her the way you love me. Let her love you the way I do.
I used to think it wouldn’t be fair to myself or another man if I got involved with someone I didn’t feel as strongly about as you. Now I realize that settling on being your “other” is what is “settling.” Choosing to be with someone I don’t care about as much as you isn’t “settling.” Unless settling is being with someone who thinks I’m worth it.
Being your mistress is settling.
A new year is upon us. Go home and fall in love with your wife.
I’m going to find someone else to love.
My heart is with you. Always. Damn it.
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