Maybe I can write about it now. About how I’ve gotten sucked back into a relationship with you.
Since The Breakup two months and nine days ago, I’ve slept with you three times. Once at a hotel near your house while The Wife was out of town and Youngest Daughter was at an evening activity — you left to sleep at your house and returned in the morning before work. The second time was at your house. The Wife was gone and Youngest Daughter was home — I sneaked in and stayed in the master bedroom suite to remain undetected. I left my car a few blocks from your house and you picked me up at night and dropped me off in the morning. The third time was a different hotel near your house. The Wife was gone and Youngest Daughter was at a sleepover. We spent the night together.
How did it happen?
The first time:
We had been discussing getting together. You had asked me to go with you on a business trip far away, but airfare was pricey and the trip was eventually cancelled. You thought you might see me when you and The Wife were coming to my town for a social event and she was leaving it to go elsewhere with a friend, but she decided not to do that. (Really, you thought she would leave you to your own devices in my town?).
A few days later, on a weekday evening (unusual since The Breakup), I get a text:
You: “Looks like I will be free from 6 to around 9 tomorrow evening…”
Me: “That’s great. What do you want to do, and where?”
You: ”I want do do YOU. Anywhere. Probably need to stay nearby…”
Me: “So I should come your way. Usual place? Or near your house?”
You: “I think near the house would be best. We could always be adventurous and crawl in the back of the [wife's car].”
Me: “You are VERY naughty! Not opposed to acting like a teen. But don’t you have a [popular hotel brand] and [somewhat popular hotel brand] in your neighborhood? We can also do the car. I have lots of need saved up…”
You: “Yes, both are close. I have lots of need saved up, too, so wherever we are will be good, as long as we’re together.”
There’s more, but that’s enough for the readers to get the idea.
I had a bit of an emotional crisis after the encounter. I wrote about it in a note that has already posted The End, Part 2.
Eight days after I forced you to cut me loose, I hear from you again. It was evening and I was checking out a fitness center I was thinking of joining.
You: ”Hi! How are you? This is hard. I’m trying to leave you alone on the hopes that it will be easier for both of us, but I miss you. Lots. Just wanted you to know.”
Me: “You’ve been on my mind and I’ve been resisting reaching out. I’m glad to hear from you. It’s very difficult. It’s like a chunk of my heart is gone. I miss you more than I can describe. Craving you. Thank you for letting me know. You made me smile with wonderful memories.”
You: ”You are still my Baby …”
Me: “Sigh. Yes. My heart is yours. There are days I don’t know how I can ever be happy without you.”
You: ”Same here. I miss your touch, your kisses and pretty much everything else about you… And she is gone again for a couple of days…”
Me: What are you suggesting?”
You: “Just letting you know we can catch up a little. And, truth be told, I would love to have you in my bed again. I don’t want to do booty calls any more than you. Just want to take advantage of every opportunity to see you…”
Me: “I would like to see you, too. My heart is arguing with my head right now. You know how I feel. But I don’t want to be the backup, the one you call when your wife is gone. I don’t want my role in your life to be making your marriage more tolerable. I definitely want to see you, though. I’m in love with you.”
You: ”I know. That’s why I was trying to explain that these are the only chances I get. Don’t want to be weird though…”
Me: “You aren’t in love with me, are you?”
You: ”I am definitely in love with you. I think about you all of the time.”
Me: “I think about you constantly. It’s very hard to not be in touch, and not touch you. How much time do you have, and when?”
You: “I have all night tonight”
Me: ”Are you alone?”
You: “No – Youngest Daughter is here. I can meet any time tomorrow, if you’d rather.”
Me: “Your call. If you are sure it is safe. I need to pack a bag and shave my legs. Where do I park? Or do you want to sneak out to the [popular hotel chain nearby].”
You: “I think it is safe. I can come get you at the [business a couple of blocks from your house]. Let me know a time and I will be there. I love you.
So that’s how I ended up spending a night at your house. I thought you wanted to get caught. And honestly, I think Youngest Daughter knew I was there. How could she miss you leaving and returning? I know your house is huge — I couldn’t hear her at all…except in the night, when I believe she was standing outside your bedroom door. And she overslept the next morning — you had to rouse her and nearly had to drive her to school. The place is cavernous. Did she hear my footsteps? The garage door go up and down? The water running, toilet flushing, more than usual?
The next day:
You: “I appreciate you very much, Sexy Lady. Thank you for coming to see me. I needed you. Have missed you lots. I value you on many, many levels.” and “I love you. Truly.”
I had an even larger emotional breakdown after that encounter. You had said I might be able to come back the next night. We texted about it during the day, then I never heard from you again. I called you the next morning and let you have it. You hung up on me. I called repeatedly. I texted. I ended up parking myself in a bookstore coffeeshop near your office. You ignored me all day. It was humiliating. You played golf in my town the next day and I didn’t hear from you until the end of the day. I suggested lunch a week later and you didn’t respond.
Then, six days later, The Message arrived. I returned the call and left a message. At nearly 1 p.m. the next day, I get a text:
You: “Hi! If you are willing and/or able to do something this evening, please let me know. I will be free after 6. No pressure, so don’t change plans for me.”
Me: “Sure, I can do that. Where?” (And I did change plans, and it was fairly complicated. But I wasn’t going to let you know that. I felt it was a better strategy to make you think I had nothing to do on a Friday night).
You: ”Your call…”
Me: ”I don’t know how much time you have, whether you want to be seen in public, how far you can venture from home, etc.”
You: ”All good questions and valid points. I have all night, but don’t want to put you on the spot. If you want to pick me up after 7, we could go somewhere close and stay…order something in and hang out. If you just want to meet at [bookstore coffee shop] for a little bit and talk, I’m fine with that, too.”
We made arrangements for me to pick you up in your neighborhood after dark. The details of that visit are explained in the post Here We Go Again.
No emotional breakdown after this visit. No talk of the future and divorce or other such things. Just lots of sex, conversation, intimacy, laughter, massages…it was good. It was fun. I had places to go and people to see after our visit, and I sent you photos. I think you might be feeling a little left out. Maybe even threatened or jealous. Good. It’s about damn time. More on that later.
My heart is with you. Always.
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