I didn’t always believe that everything happens for a reason. At least not a good reason.
I’m rethinking that philosophy. I wake up every morning thanking my lucky stars and various deities that I found a man who loves me, accepts me and wants to be with me.
It could be you. But it’s not. And I’m glad. Because I couldn’t have found someone more perfect for me if I had conjured him up with a magic wand.
He asked me what would happen if you decided to leave TW and wanted me back. I told him that I choose him. Every day. And I plan to spend every day proving it to him — for the rest of my life, if I’m fortunate enough to have him that long.
It doesn’t mean that what I felt for you wasn’t real. It was real for me. I’m not so sure about you. But it doesn’t really matter now.
I think about the way the stars had to align for he and I to meet. I had to move to this state despite my crumbling marriage. Have an affair with you. Divorce my husband. Keep seeing you despite the pitfalls of being the mistress. Your wife had to find out — twice, apparently. I had to realize you didn’t really want me for anything other than a piece on the side. I had to make a conscious decision to let you go. To truly move on.
And then I met him. I noticed him from across the room. We chatted. I knew instantly that I wanted him — and that he wanted me. That doesn’t happen very much. He had to go away for a couple of weeks, then he drove straight to my birthday party from three states away.
We’re going there this weekend. There’s a big party and we’re going to go. It’s our first real trip together (not counting my business trip he accompanied me on).
I’m going to savor this for as long as I can. Learn from my mistakes. Love him the way he needs to be loved. Cherish every moment. Treat him as well as I possibly can.
Not everyone gets two chances at true love. Love that is deep and true and amazing.
I’ve fallen. Hard. It’s like he tripped me and I fell flat on my face (instead of head over heels).
You told me you wanted me to be happy. That you didn’t want me to be lonely. That you hoped I found someone.
Your last text to me didn’t seem like you were overjoyed for me. That’s OK.
I’ve blocked you. Calls or texts won’t get through. I don’t have to jump at your ringtone or text chime ever again.
I’m not generally a bridge-burner. But I am this time. Maybe someday, when a lot of time has passed, we can be friends. But not now.
The man who loves me and wants to wake up with me every day deserves my undivided attention. And he’s going to get it. Always.
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